It’s been a while since I’ve gone over this series. A little over a year, in fact. So, to recap, as a personal response to the Church of Satan’s Eleven Satanic Rules and the Satanic Temple’s Seven Tenets, I created my own personal Satanic Principles. I’ve already gone over the first two: Fuck The Man; and you are responsible for your own choices. Next on the list is that sex and sexual desires are to be discussed openly and without shame.

So, there has been some confusion concerning this one in my private circle of friends and family. Some of them seemed under the impression that I am polyamorous and looking for an “open” relationship. That is not what I mean when I say I am open about sex. What I do mean is that I am not, nor will I be made to feel ashamed by: how I express my sexuality; who I’m attracted to; what turns me on; or my past sexual history.

That’s not to say I think there’s anything wrong with polyamory, as long as all parties consent to that type of relationship and are fully aware of what they’re getting into.

What this principle is really about is communication. In order for a sexual relationship to be healthy, all parties need to be able to let their partner know what their needs are. Feelings of shame make open, honest communication next to impossible. After all, are you really going to share that little kink you have with your partner if the voice in your head is telling you you’re disgusting for wanting that done to you?

And that is where shadow integration comes in. In order to be open and honest with your partner, you must first be open and honest with yourself. Identify why you have those feelings of shame towards your sex life, then give your shadow a chance to defend itself. You are allowed to like the things you like, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. Let your Light and your Shadow be friends again.

Now, you may be wondering why I’ve relegated sex and sexual desires to the shadow if I’m supposed to be open about the subject. Remember that one of the key elements of shadow integration is that the shadow is not necessarily bad. The shadow is simply what you hide from the outside world, where the light is what you show the world. While you should definitely be open about your sexual preferences with your sexual partner, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should share all of it with the outside world. What you do in bed with your partner is between you and your partner. No one else needs to give a shit.